[a / b / c / d / e / f / g / gif / h / hr / k / m / o / p / r / s / t / u / v / vg / vr / w / wg] [i / ic] [r9k] [s4s] [cm / hm / lgbt / y] [3 / aco / adv / an / asp / biz / cgl / ck / co / diy / fa / fit / gd / hc / his / int / jp / lit / mlp / mu / n / news / out / po / pol / qst / sci / soc / sp / tg / toy / trv / tv / vp / wsg / wsr / x] [Settings] [Home]
Board
Settings Home
/a/


File: hapdump.png (241 KB, 525x357)
241 KB
241 KB PNG
Anyone else enjoy doing this.
>>
I do that too ;-(

Since sometimes when your shit drops the water splashs up. I perfer to not let it get on my shirt...
>>
OH NOES THE NASDAQ
>>
File: 1205718499015.jpg (60 KB, 250x250)
60 KB
60 KB JPG
>>10284161
>>
>>10284161
what the fuck? do you projectile shit or something?
>>
>>10282685

I prop one foot on the seat like a retarded gargoyle....
>>
>>10282685

I do that with a DS, playing JUS.
>>
I read manga on the shitter.
>>
I prefer pornography, I find it difficult to fap to the newspaper.
>>
>>10284228
slice of heaven
>>
>>10284233
You masterbate while taking a dump?
>>
>>10284252

Cant unsee.
>>
I read manga on the toilet. Also keep a can of air freshener.
>>
ITT /a/'s shitting techniques.
>>
Who takes a shit naked?
>>
>>10284409
i do when i have to shit before i hops inhe shower
>>
>>10284409
Some people are messy shitters.

shit could get on their shirt or pants
>>
>>10284502
lolwut? They need to check their diet.
>>
toasting in a legendary bread
>>
this is what I do after I fap
>>
>>10284409

I do, though not in public bathrooms like Hap.
>>
My shits are like a murder scene. I don't have time to read, I get in and out as quick as I can.
>>
if im in a public bathroom, i take my shirt off, if its my own its all off
>>
I don't multitask while shitting. I'm there to pinch a loaf and leave as quickly as possible. To that end, I don't even enter the bathroom until I have the urge to go because I have better things to do than sit on the can.
>>
I do that too even though im not a messy shitter. Its just that my shirt might get in the way durin the process of my shitting. I am abit of a messy pisser though at times and keep my pants away as much as possible.
>>
>>10285311
Do you people wear Nightgowns for shirts?
>>
Public toilets should be individually sound-proofed booths. My anus gets stage fright when someone walks into the stall next to me because I'm not a quiet shitter.
>>
I'm naked when I shit. Not because I projectile shit, but because I fear crapping on my clothing.
>>
>>10285243
janitor called the cops on me when i was doing this one time in a public bathroom
>>
I'm usually playing my DS when I do that. Bomberman Land Touch 2 is great for that line of work.
>>
>>10285380
You think that's bad, I can't even pee unless the room is dead quiet and no one is around.
>>
>>10285418
Same, I can't piss unless it's in a stall. At a urinal, I have to piss like a racehorse before I can force my dick to listen to me.

I blame elementary school where kids would routinely cockgaze at each other in the urinal.
>>
>My anus gets stage fright when someone walks into the stall next to me because I'm not a quiet shitter.

Oh god, I lol'd at the hilarity and truth in this.
The toilet at home is like a separate room of heaven where you can relax and relieve yourself while doing something like reading. Public toilet is DO NOT WANT.
>>
>>10282685
source?
>>
anyone who power-shits, listen up

that's no good for you. it over-extends your anus and you get hemorrhoids.
>>
I can't shit when I have my pants at my feet.

1.) To restrictive to feet movement, for those LARGE bowl movements

2.) I'm afraid I'll piss on them.
>>
>>10285621
This
>>
I have my laptop with me sometimes, for the long ones.

In fact, I'm takin a shit right now as I type this.
>>
File: 1205723091848.jpg (174 KB, 640x480)
174 KB
174 KB JPG
Ugh public toilets. When I have no choice to use a public bathroom, I use the handicap stall 'cause usually its completely sound proof and away from the regular stalls.
>>
>>10285418
Elliot?
>>
>>10285694
I can't stop laughing
>>
I shit naked just because it feels natural to me.
>>
I'm sort of OCD when it comes to my bathroom breaks. At home, I have to take off ALL my clothes when I shit, even down to my socks. If I'm peeing in a public restroom, I have to piss on the wall with my last few seconds. I also sometimes piss all over the handle.
>>
>>10285815
lol wtf
>>
I mount the toilet and squat to shit. Anyone else here does that?
>>
>>10285708
Where in the fuck do you go that has soundproof handicap stalls? Everything around here has those little partitions, which is hardly soundproof.
>>
>>10285815
What the fuck
>>
Someone post that copypasta about the fellow in the public toilet
>>
I sit on the toilet seat backwards while shitting and pretend its a motorcycle.
>>
>>10285951
I kinda want to try that
>>
>>10286020
Hahahahahahahaha!
>>
>>10282685
What anime is that picture from? Also, secure tripcodes jerks etc.
>>
All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, malfunctioning computer systems, stupid members of the public and a sore elbow all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing bran cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a thick and creamy soup for lunch. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that big things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the supermarket to pick up a few things. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the trolleys on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the supermarket bathroom. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 0 to 4 for your convenience:

0.Occupied

1.Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one.

2.Poo on seat.

3.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.

4.No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet.
>>
>>10286033
Of course the first time I try it I'll end up losing my balance and wake up with a turd on my face.
>>
>>10285815
I always get those asshole stares whenever I piss in a urinal and don't flush. Reading that, I'm glad I never touch those handles.
>>
Clearly, it had to be Stall #1. I trudged back, entered, dropped trousers and sat down. I'm normally a fairly shameful shitter. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but big things were afoot.

I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a mobile phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. Shitter was blathering to Mrs. Shitter about the shitty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier.

Finally my anger reached a point that overcame shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder in one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude - a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently.

Once my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent: (1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench.
>>
i just pull up my shirt halfway and hold it there with my armpits, instead of taking it all off
>>
It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my room-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence.

"Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with the suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??"

Next door I could hear fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up... in my mouth.... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching.

Alas, it is evidently difficulty to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by a string of swear words and gags. My room-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet.
>>
After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the cleaner who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth.

As I left, I glanced to the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know.

I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my shamefulness to my anonymous room-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public - and I doubt he'll ever again answer his mobile phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom.
>>
>>10286069
I do the same exact thing with my shirt, but I remove my pants completely and enjoy my DS.
>>
>>10286051
#3, the splatter is probably easier to clean up than the turd on the seat in #2
>>
>>10286047
>>10286047
>>10286047
>>
>>10286051
>>10286064
>>10286070
>>10286077
Epic
>>
File: 1205724621369.jpg (45 KB, 800x600)
45 KB
45 KB JPG
>>10285951
This is a MSpaint depiction of how I mount, squat and shit.
>>
>>10286051
>>10286064
>>10286070
>>10286077
Good lord I laughed...
>>
>>10286222
it looks like you're having sex with somebody sitting up.
>>
>>10286222
i'm gonna try this. squating and shitting is easier than sitting and shitting but i don't have one of those toilet bowls that are on the ground type where you can only squat and shit.
>>
/a/-shitting habits
>>
>>10286051
>>10286064
>>10286070
>>10286077

Glorious copypasta
>>
File: 1205725204853.jpg (85 KB, 750x600)
85 KB
85 KB JPG
>>
I never use public bathrooms unless absolutely necessary. I would rather die from holding it in than have to use bathrooms that masses of human garbage use.

Needless to say, I don't get out much.
>>
>>10286368
/a/ today has been
/a/- Tripfag Discussion, Cocks, and Shitting Habits.

A normal day, all in all.
>>
File: 1205725348551.jpg (19 KB, 240x225)
19 KB
19 KB JPG
>>10286051
>>10286064
>>10286070
>>10286077
>>
i do reading when i take a dump, i used to jerk-off after i finish pooping, but before wiping, then i realized that it was quite a nasty habit, so i stopped doing it.
now i read magazines, comics or mangas on the crapper until i lose the sensibility in one or my legs, sometimes i also lose sensibility in one of my testicles. that's the time when i say "well, time to leave the reading for later".
>>
>>10286429

I'm assuming you're living in America currently, so I don't blame you at all. Taking a piss in a public bathroom is one thing, but taking a shit in a public bathroom is something I will never do.
>>
File: 1205725409084.jpg (22 KB, 600x600)
22 KB
22 KB JPG
saw this pic on /b/ couple of weeks ago and I knew i was gonna be able to use it someday.

btw, be paranoid the next time you take a shit on your shitthrone. beware.
>>
I'm posting that shitting copypasta in every naruto and bleach thread from now on.
>>
>>10286472
We had this thread a number of weeks ago on /a/.
>>
>>10286047

It's from Eureka Seven.
>>
File: 1205726021875.jpg (108 KB, 477x360)
108 KB
108 KB JPG
>>10284193
haha, that made me laugh
>>
>>10286472
Luckily I flush beforehand.
>>
>>10284228

same
>>
>>10286481
>i used to jerk-off after i finish pooping, but before wiping, then i realized that it was quite a nasty habit, so i stopped doing it.

Wait, WHAT THE FUCK? What is the mother fucking matter with you?
>>
>>10286702
Seriously. Wouldn't all the poop just dry up in your ass while you were fapping?
>>
I used to spend hours a day on the shittier to read stuff. I usually finish a volume of Reader's Digest in one sitting. The most peaceful place in the house.
>>
File: 1205726429166.jpg (149 KB, 479x387)
149 KB
149 KB JPG
>>10286718
>>
about to do it right now, will report back with results.
>>
>>10284448
That's disgusting.

>>10286404
Oh god, I must do this one day.
>>
>>10285814

Oh wow, so I'm not the only one who does that.
>>
>>10286757
>Reader's Digest
what are you 67?
>>
>>10286481
>>10286702
>>10286718
I used to do that too. No, the poop doesn't dry up (not like your anus is being well ventilated).

Ah, I miss being 12 and living in a house where the only lockable door was the bathroom door.
>>
I usually read a magazine or mango on the toliet making a shit.

Sometimes, I would sit on there for hours on end.
>>
thank you 4chan, for this glorious thread. This made my night
>>
Does anyone else get 'poo-gasms'?

Like when you've been holding in a poo for a bit and then you let it out slowly. It's not as intense as a more orthadox orgasm, but the sensation is amazing.
>>
>>10286943
Had one today.

It felt like I was on cloud nine.

I think I would go to the doctor though, I've been pooing like 4-5 times a day....
>>
>>10286481
I do that, until I get pins and needles. Also sometimes theres a little dried up poop hanging from my anus after I finish readin, so I have to pluck it out with toilet paper.
>>
I buy manga only so I could read it in the bathroom.
>>
>>10286943
Yes! I actually find shitting more pleasurable than orgasms.

Does anyone know if anal sex feels the same as taking a really big dump?
>>
>>10287013
A joke about Klingons around Uranus comes to mind...
>>
>>10287133
What do the Starship Enterprise and a roll of Charmin have in common?

They both circle Uranus wiping out Klingons.
>>
I get a chubby sometimes when I poop, am I gay?
>>
>>10286820
ahhhhh...
one of the best things about eating food is taking a nice, long dump.
>>
in before "how does L take a shit"
>>
>>10287052
It feels like taking a shit backwords
>>
>>10287676
profound

>>10286051
>>10286064
>>10286070
>>10286077
FUKKEN SAVED to copypasta.txt

This thread made my night /a/. One free internet to all present, on me.
>>
File: 1205730947666.jpg (349 KB, 714x2247)
349 KB
349 KB JPG
>>10288087



Delete Post: [File Only] Style:
[Disable Mobile View / Use Desktop Site]

[Enable Mobile View / Use Mobile Site]

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.