[a / b / c / d / e / f / g / gif / h / hr / k / m / o / p / r / s / t / u / v / vg / vr / w / wg] [i / ic] [r9k] [s4s] [cm / hm / lgbt / y] [3 / aco / adv / an / asp / biz / cgl / ck / co / diy / fa / fit / gd / hc / his / int / jp / lit / mlp / mu / n / news / out / po / pol / qst / sci / soc / sp / tg / toy / trv / tv / vp / wsg / wsr / x] [Settings] [Home]
Settings Home

File: 1335336689061.jpg (88.76 KB, 1141x621)
88.76 KB
88.76 KB JPG
Something I thought of recently, some feedback on story restructuring would be great.

Episodes 1-4
Three scientists have recently finished creating a time travel device. While the sempai (Mid 30's) works on the main code, he asks the MC (Mid 20's) to work on the return code. Failing to account for the Earth's spin, their test object returns late a few meters away from the intended location on their first experiment. A few quick fixes from the sempai gets the object returning on time exactly in the center of their return pad. Progressive tests culminates in them traveling back a week together for 5 minutes. By the way, the other scientist is a grill (Early 20's, Foreman brand).

Episodes 5-10
Amazed at what they've accomplished, they decide to take a trip back 2 centuries to the end of the 19th century for a day to explore around by themselves. The MC doesn't straggle far and is the first to come back. The other two fail to return immediately however, and the MC becomes increasingly worried. It's not until 5 hours later that the sempai returns. Confused at his late return, he reasons that his proximity from the original location caused the delay, given that the other objects they tested would not have been able to move far. His explanation is fruitless however, as the MC is frantically rewriting the code to try and bring back his colleagues. Failing to see his sempai, he reactivates the machine.

Episodes 11-21
What follows is a series of the 3 characters finding themselves in random locations in random parts of history for random lengths of time. Although the range is at first limited, progressive leaps in time find themselves in periods and locations further and farther from their original point. The grill and the sempai each come close to ending the device, be it a phone call to a colleague or disabling it, before getting warped away. The MC figures out his mistakes in time, and is able to reach the facilities. Blindly set on his goals, he inputs the proper changes without realizing that other parts of the code were not yet written at that time. And so, once more, he activates the device.

Episodes 22-23
An important part of the code that was missing was to calculate the position of the earth. Even though the Earth returns the same position around the Sun a year later, the Sun itself is in a different position in its orbit around the centre of the galaxy, which in turn is circling around the galaxy cluster. It's doubtful that the Earth will ever be in the same spot twice, and even then, it's impossible to know without some fixed point of reference (Sempai somehow figured this shit out). The grill is sent to the vacuums of space, and the sempai finds himself on a foreign planet capable of life, albeit he becomes crippled after falling from the sky.

Episode 24
The MC? He ends up at the end of time. Behind him lies the deep and colorful past of the universe and directly ahead, imminent darkness. He doesn't turn around. Facing the wall of black that stands mere inches from his face, he ultimately decides it's time to give up. Cue Texhnolyze ending.
A SOL about a hardened teenage tomboy living in a scum-of-the-earth hood in the city. She doesn't get involved in much and the episodes consist of her sitting on the porch, smoking, observing daily happenings.
A special teenage boy is turned normal by a random high school girl. Hijinks ensue as he tries to obtain his powers back
Boy's older sister turns out to be his mother.
Harem, but boy only likes one girl, and so does she, relationship established prior to the events of the episode. So the other 5 girls try to make him like one of them, through magic, science, hobbies etc.

>The girl he likes is perfect, likeable, but makes very little appearance that you end up not caring about her as much as the other 5
>girls try to steal each other from the MC instead of the MC from the other girls

>everyone lusts after everyone
>except for the MC who lusts after nobody and nobody lusts after him
cute girls doing cute things
10/10 would watch
but only because /a/ told me to

Delete Post: [File Only] Style:
[Disable Mobile View / Use Desktop Site]

[Enable Mobile View / Use Mobile Site]

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.