walk in see this, what do?
>"Hey, have you seen snail anywhere?"
Ask why everything is in 2D
Take her to the hospital something's wrong with her spine
Cry tears of unbridled joy. Until 3D Araragi-kun comes in, who in this universe is a 7 foot 300lb nigger, who proceeds to slap my waifu's ass.
Im starting to see more monogatari threads, is this a good thing?
I have. zehahaha
>not having lordosis
>Hope no one else walked in.
Make her wear an apron the other way around so it covers her butt.
Then when we eat at the dinner table, I get snail and shinobu to give me head at the same time.
When I take a shower, I'd have Karen and Tsukihi scrub me down
When I sleep, I'll have gorilla ravage me in bed.
Dogeza and beg to be allowed to kiss her butt.
Well there hasn't been as much shit posting and people aren't arguing over the girls as much so yeah kind of maybe?
Ask her why she's using cucumber, she's knows I don't like cucumber. Then proceed to slap her ass and fill her with my seamen.
Just take a dive, Rito style.
Kepp walking, go to my room, take a nap
Ignore the worst gatari.
Begging is part of the fun.
Wherever I go, I must also rape.
Yeah, but if you fall into her, then you get scolded and abused.
Walk away and go find Shinobu or Hanekawa.
Or i ask her to dominate me and abuse me. Either way is fine.
Thank her and beg for more.
Walk up to her without saying a word but breathing heavily as my head is millimeters from her neck and then take out my penis and slowly put it in her vagina, all this without any of us saying a word. Then I'd start moving inside her and eventually ejaculate inside, without any of us making any sounds other than the inevitable muffled pants and moans on her side.
Tell her to assume a proper cooking stance.
This gives me a massive boner. Reminds me of TeenSexCouple.
What the hell did you do!?
Crab stop being so cute
Ask where Kaiki is.
She's clearly holding a knife and a goddamn cucumber. She's practicing for fuck's sake.
RUN. FUCKING RUN.
call the cops. She's definitely going to stab me and then jam that pickle up my ass when she's done.
Walk in and see this.
If Crab is doing naked apron in my kitchen then I must be Araragi, which means I have a loli vampire in my shadow.
What I do is have a nice dinner prepared by Senjougahara because her being naked is clearly a trap of some sort and I don't want to make any false moves. Then I fuck loli vamp in the bath for like 5 hours straight.
>you will never have hitagi offer to cook you breakfast in nothing but an apron while you stare at her ass
>she will never suggest this in a coy, sarcastic manner, bating you into confessing your love for her
>you will always be a fat beta neckbeard with no friends, no ambitions, and no chance at your waifu
Holy fucking hell, anon. I don't need to be diamonds right now.