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One night, lonely Hollywood superstar actor Nicolas Cage was after a movie shoot in Tokyo-3 and felt alone. He ached for the intimate companion that only the female body could brign him. He called his best acting friend, Robert Downey Jr, using his phone. "Hi Robert Downy Jr, do you want to go picking up women in the alcohol bars in Tokyo-3?" "I would love to Nicolas Cage, but unfortunately I'm rolling in bitches here, ha ha! Smell ya later!" and he hung up. Nicolas Cage was jealous of his friend's success with women. He was no slouch when it came to courting women and also having sex with them too, but he couldn't find The One. So he decided he would challenge himself: "I'll get drunk until I find the woman I will marry!" so we went to the izakaya alcohol bar that had food in Neo-Roppongi-3. He was there and got beer and immediately saw a vision of angelic beauty. He put on his best handsome voice and said "Hello, darling. Are you.... at least eighteen? Because I eat sexy for breakfast." She blushed and said in heavily accent broke english "You funny, yes I eighteen." "Hi, I'm Nicolas Cage." "I Rei Ayanami" and they shook hands and bowed, but then they kissed accidentally because they bowed at the same time, and they both blushed. "C-cage-san..." she said with nervousness with trembling. "Please, call me Nicolas. Let's say we... GO.... to my place and..." he twitched his arms, purposefully turning on the sexy "...eat each other out for dinner before breakfast."

hey called a cab, immediately in the throes of passion, drunk on alcohol and sexual passion, like babboons in heat, but they weren't making babboon sounds, but you might have thought they were, so deep inside each other's passion they were. "Mhmhmhmh. Mhmmmhmhmhnmhhnm. MHNHMHMHNHMN. Rei, you are so sexy I just wanna eat you out and savor the flavor." Rei giggled and said "Y-you are so funny, Nicolas Cage-san, you make me poka-poka" and blushed. The taxi driver got to Nicolas CAge's penthouse and they got out and immediately started stripping each other of garments revealing hot skin. "P-please be gentle cage-kun, it is my first time, I am nervousness." she said and Nicolas Cage took off his pants and said "Don't worry babe, I got this." and he started going down on her while touching her breasteses with his hands. "U-uguu~" Rei said with pleasure and Nicolas Cage said "On a scale from 1 to flavorful, you're delicious" and she said "P-please jam it in Nicolas Cage-kun uwaaaAAAAAAA~" she said with pleasurign. He started putting his penis dick inside of her and out and inside again because that is how sex works. "unf, uwah~ uguu~ unnnn~" she moaned and Nic Cage was thrusting fast and said "Hngh HURHG HGUNGHARHG ngh HARUHGURHG HRUNGH
UURGH ARGH NHG NHARHG NUAUURUGH HGNAHRHGHN HGAHGNAGHHAHGUAGHNBNAWAWWWWARRRGGGBBBLLLLLLLLLLL" and they both climaxed. "I love you more than the sun rises" said Nicolas Cage, and Rei Ayanami said "Suki da Cage-san~" and they cuddled in the afterglow of their passion. "Would you like to see something beautiful?" and Rei said "Yes" and he took her to the roof of his penthouse to see his hot air balloon.

Nicolas Cage took her hand and together they got into the hot air balloon that inflated as if their love were inflating it instead of air. Together they rode it up into the starry night sky, holding each other with hugs of quiet passion. "I came here to find the woman of my dreams. But instead, I found the woman of the rest of my days" and Rei said "Oh Nicolas Cage~" and they kissed. "Sometimes, Rei... at moments like this, I just want to sing." "Sing me a song, Nicolas Cage." and Nicolas Cage sang "I... I wish you could swim." "Like dolphins... like dolphins can swim" Rei sang, completing the lyric. Nicolas Cage continued: "But NOTHING... will keep them awayyyy!" and Rei sang "WE CAN BE HEROES.... JUST FOR ONE DAAAAAY" and looked into each other's eyes. but then the Nerv alarm in Rei's watch went off. The pressed a button and said "This is Ayanami. What's the situation?" and Shinji said "It's terrible! The final angel is coming!" and Rei said "Roger. I'll be there." and the took from her backpack a collapsing glider. "Wait! At least tell me who you are!" said Nicolas Cage with heartbroken desperation. "I am Rei Ayanami, pilot of 00 Evagnelion." and she glided off. Nicolas Cage had one tear roll down his cheek, and he reached out to her. "Rei...." he said, and then screamed "ooooohhaaaaoooaooaoOAOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH" in agonizing heartbreak.
that is weird
holy shit it's been a long time since I've read this. Like, a really long time.

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