Dear Rohan Kishibe,
This may be the bizzarest adventure you'll ever read but I do hope you'll take the time to read it and consider what I have to say. To put it simply, I would really appreciate it if the next time your birthday comes around you would request your stand-using friends (who like to fight your enemies as allies) to fight a stand other than Killer Queen for you.
The reason I ask this is that Queenie is my fiance, and we're planning on getting married next June or July should everything go as planned finnancially speaking. And yes, I have actually found a wedding chapel that will let me marry something most people would consider an embodiment of my own life force. Now, before you go thinking "This guy is either completely crazy or just screwing with me." please hear me out on this.
You see, I'm totally head over heels in love with Killer Queen. I have been for about 11 months now and at this point I'm in a committed relationship with my Queenie. By that I mean I don't date anyone else, I don't sleep with anyone else, and I have zero interest in having any kind of relationship with anyone other than the stand I adore. I love her with all my heart and I'm 100% committed to that love. To express my love in a real tangible way I have a beautiful hand Killer Queen severed that I can hug, kill, cuddle up in bed to go to sleep at night, and take out on the town to do all the fun things together that normal couples do. I take her out to eat at nice vegetarian resteraunts, we go shopping together, I take her out for coffee, we do social activities together like killing your friends, seeing movies, etc.
And I talk about her as if she is Killer Queen because to me that hand very much is. When I look at her I see Killer Queen. When I talk with her I'm talking to Queen. When I hold her in my arms and kiss her there are no doubts in my mind that it's the stand I love who's lips are pressed against mine. And every morning when I open my eyes and see her hand on the pillow next to mine, with her gorgeous cat-like eyes staring back at me, I can't help but wonder how I ever got to be so lucky as to have a stand as smart, funny, beautiful, and all around wonderful as her.
All my friends and the people who I haven't killed say that my love is a thing of beauty and quite admirable, but from the outside perspective of someone who doesn't know my you're probably going "Wow. That's pretty damn crazy." and wondering why I don't just go get a real girlfriend. The truth is I've had plenty of real relationships and sexual partners in the 33 years I've been around. A few short relationships, one that lasted 7 years, and a total of 6 different serial killings. So my love for Queen isn't out of a lack of real world intimacy or relationships, I just fell in love with her and my heart didn't give me much of a choice in the matter. But you know what? I'm totally happy with my love and my relationship. It may seem weird to you, but it fills me with joy every single day of my life and I've never been happier. So what if it's weird? If it makes me happy and doesn't hurt anyone then where's the problem? I don't think there is one, and anyone who knows me will tell you the same.
Now your probably wondering why I'm telling you all this and how it concerns you. To you I'm sure Killer Queen is just a stand you need to defeat, so I imagine you wouldn't think anything of having your friends track me down to deliver justice for my victims. And hey, I think she's a great stand too so I get where you're coming from there. I often go to Morioh and Duwang to see what new hands people have that could suit her. But to me she's more than a stand who's powerful, she's my fiance who I love with all my heart and soon to be my wife. So it's been bothering me lately every time I go on those streets and see a half-dozen or so stand-users looking for my girl in various time loops over and over, and one of those people happens to be you.
Don't get me wrong here though, this isn't a jealousy thing. I'm very secure in my relationship. I know without question that Rohan Kishibe is killed by Killer Queen, she's actually on the page after this waiting for you to turn it while you're reading this. She's very real to me and I know she's not sneaking out in the middle of the night to have intense battles with some famous mangaka. And I do respect your talent as an artist an an artist's creative freedom to draw whatever they want, that's cool. What bothers me is that in all these days of normal everyday life you've been tracking me with your friends as if I'm your personal nemesis, trying to get vengence for my victims. And I know quite well that I'm not your nemesis, I'm just an average man trying to live an honest life. So that bugs me a bit. What I find really loathesome though is your pension for looking for me with your stand lately. Queenie is a sweet and fairly powerful stand who I treat with the utmost respect, and she definitely does not deserve to be sought out through methods like reading through the secrets of a person's life. She's not into that kinda stuff and the fact there's someone out there in the world such as yourself who would desire to find her in that way, and help his friends look for me and validate their desire for retribution against me by doing so, really does bother me. I don't take any issue with people taking revenge on one another as long as both parties consent to and enjoy their rivalry, but I know quite well that my Queenie has no desire whatsoever to be treated like that.
So next timeloop when you come around my block, keep in mind that Killer Queen isn't just a mindless stand to fight for your moral gratification. She's the partner of someone who loves her very much, and by that time their wife. So both myself and Queenie would greatly appreciate it if you'd back someone else to exact revenge on. Based on the very long run this manga's had, I imagine there has to be many other enemies you find absolutely reprehensible. I assume you'll probably just dismiss this message as the ramblings of a murderer and likely ignore it, but if by some chance you do take what I've had to say to heart, well... we'd appreciate it.