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Got a problem?
Feel alone?
Just call me on the telephone!

Hey-ya party people it's time for some counseling live on the air. Yours truly, the great and powerful Dr. Murmur, is on the line so if something's bothering you give me a call!

What's your damage? I'm listening so go nuts
She's literally what made Mirai Nikki watchable.

The portion with the Kawaru clone riding the bicycle was some funny shit
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Sounds like you are a nit-picky weeb who needs to start looking for the positive in things. I suggest getting drunk in public to lift your spirits
Hi, um, I'm wondering if too much escapism is bad or not? My waifu is telling me it's bad for my skin. Any truth to that?
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>going outside
Your waifu is most likely a cheating tramp, or will turn into one. You should cheat on her first to get the drop on her!
Hi, I've got this crazy psycho bitch who keeps stalking me and always keeps sending me messages.
I've tried calling the cops but she keeps stalking me and looking at me while I'm sleeping.
I don't know what to do, what do you suggest?
Sometimes when I watch cute things I get an erection, and I try masturbating to it but I stop half way through because I feel sad and ashamed, like I'm somehow defiling the pure love.

What's wrong with me, what do I do?
I'm trying to figure out how to get my waifu to agree to some kinky stuff in the bedroom, where should I start?
H-Hey, I've...The Lolicon inside of me is starting to well...come out.
What should I do?
Can you 'help' me?
Fuck her hard
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How can I start liking anime again?
Hi, I've been told I have a skeleton inside me.
That's not true, is it?
I want to fuck a 3d girl, and I just might.

What can I do?
Hi, you're on the air!
Well you know what they say, stalking is the sincerest form of flattery! You should just accept it and use her for everything you can get out of her, and then throw her away once she's completely broken and useless!
Bang got that one sorted out
I want to start going to bars with friends.
But i have no friends old enough to.
wat do
I have this insatiable lust for pussy but can't seem to get any even with my gains.

Help me 2D host
Can you fart into the telephone please?
Howdy caller!
Does that mean you have an erection while talking to me? I kid I kid. Just try picturing yourself as being just as cute as they are. That way, it won't be hopelessly sad and creepy because it will be two cute things.
A love call? My specialty!
Listen caller, you're already in the pooper so the best place to start would be the pooper. Hah, I'm so clever! Bring it up casually, and use plenty of scented lube!
Crazy kids nowa days...
I've got kinda a stiffy, not full blown though
>Sounds like you are a nit-picky weeb who needs to start looking for the positive in things.

Didn't he do exactly that? He pointed out that Murmur was the positive in the otherwise shitty anime.
Well you've called the right adorable doctor!
You should probably keep it bottled up forever and try to be normal. Being different makes you an outcast!
Yeah so there's this new guy at work who goes around talking about how he may have to use "THAT".

We keep telling him how he shouldn't but he wont listen.

Is there any way to get trough to him.
I, my boyfriend came so much in my ass, is it true I could get pregnant from my ass?
You're on with Murmur!
The trick to liking anime is to accept it for what it is-garbage. Once your standards are lowered sufficiently, any show you watch will become a pleasant surprise!
You'll be fine hon
Oh you're fucked.
Good day.
It's a good thing you called me, I'm a doctor!
That is a common myth, but is partially true, so don't be fooled. You don't actually have a skeleton inside of you until you die. Then the skeleton appears and devours your flesh, allowing it to take on its final form.
Sweet dreams!
So the other day at school my best friend kissed me, then later she kissed me again and then asked to marry me!
This was really sudden and the thing is that we're both girls, I'm not sure what to do. My heart started beating really fast when I'm around her and now I'm really conscious of her form but I know this is forbidden!
Hi, first time caller. I have this friend that has an obsession with holding hands. do I have a problem? I mean him not me.
Hi Murmur, how can I deal with the soul crushing loneliness?
Hi caller, you're on
The trick with 3D girls is to get over the smell and germs. Once that is out of the way, lie to everyone you meet to make yourself appear better than you actually are. Eventually a girl will fall for it, at which point you can ruin their evening.
It'll work eventually!
Hey Mermur
How old are you?
Please tell me you are old enough to go out with me
My parents don't love me anymore what do?
Murmur I have a tiny penis, am I fucked lovewise?
Hiya caller!
If they aren't old enough to go to bars, buy alcohol for them and drink at home. Have at least 8 people over and it will be a fine social drinking event!
Anon Said my waifu was a shit
Why would they say such a thing?
Earlier today I met this guy with a shitty waifu, I told him his waifu was shitty but he didn't underst and.
How to I make him understand his waifu and tastes are shit?

This is kind of important. Well, um, my neighbor's dog is kind of a yipper, you know like barky; anyway, I really can't stand it, it just barks on and on and on and on. Well, it used to bark. When my neighbors went on some week long Christmas vacation I kind of got the idea of forever stopping the barking. I decided to put some certain pills inside of a sausage, I won't tell so I can't get traced, and tossed it over the fence. After a good couple of hours I hadn't heard the usual running around from the dog, no barks, not even crunching leaves under its paws; I check the fence and noticed that the dog was lying on its side not really breathing. I went to go retrieve what was left of the sausage and any pills left around and saw it jerk around a bit, it was panting a bit hard and whining. It's been four hours since I got the sausage back, what should I do?
Evening late night caller, you're live!
Gains are not all you will need, though a strong arm to choke a girl while you bang her is a total turn-on! Try improving your personality by copying everything that more likable people are doing around you.
Don't give up!
Dammit Dr. Drew don't prank call me just because I'm taking your listeners!
Hey caller!
Annoying coworkers can be a real pain. The best way to deal with them is to make them feel alienated from the rest of the staff, and get them on the bad side of the head of HR. Things will work themselves out after that.
Try eating his lunch!
Hey strongbad, how do you type with boxing gloves on?
Good evening!
That is absolutely true. If you want it out, stand on your head and have someone pour Drano in your butt, then turn around and force it out. Everything should be squeaky clean!
My friend told me that putting bengay on my balls feels amazing but I have my doubts, is it true?
Hey hey caller, you're on the air
Loneliness is like a hurt wild animal you find in your house. It isn't welcomed, and you have to try really hard to improve it, and eventually it ends up hurting you terribly. Best to shoot it out back before it manages to tear up your new dress and maul your face... stupid badger
Glad to have you!
Wanting to hold hands is one of the signs of a serial killer. Get away while you can!
Plant a crime on them to get locked up early!
This kind of thing happens from time to time. Sounds like your friend has a case of the munchies. Carpet munchies. You should probably avoid making eye contact in the locker room. Unless you feel the same! Follow your heart, and shame everyone who disagrees
Hi, first time caller, wanna make out?
Hi caller!
I'm definitely old enough to go out with you, assuming you're old enough to buy me dinner! This girl has one serious appetite
Do you put out?
Hey, im trying to get big but lifting is hard, do you have any tips?
Good evening Murmur. I have an issue. I can't seem to watch any anime that isn't currently airing. My backlog just keep growing. How do I stop it.
Hi murmur, what type of breasts do you like?
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No you dont understand
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Alright Aniki!
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Get going, Anon!
I r sad
>I r sad

Anon, you know better than this.
Its google images
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I just need a little biffer right in my ear. Please I need to release.

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