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Figured this should just go to /3/ instead of /adv/

I've been really having problems psychologically lately for myself. I fear for my future.
I could've easily got my I.T diploma but i dropped.
I could've easily got my meme gamedev degree but i dropped.

Its just i feel its just really not worth the money.

That i could do it myself. I can learn by myself.

I wasted 3 years. Its just i feel melancholy. Like what the future holds for me.
Before i started college like 3-4 years ago. I got inspired in making games. Its always been like that.
Study 3D modelling? Did that.
Make a game? Made "3" already inspired by animes and things.

But the problem is that im not having some kind of income. Sure. I loved making those. Its just I feel really like a burden in my family already. Like they look at me with disgusting eyes even if im programming late night because of my body clock. I wish i could repay them back somehow. Like soon.. It like just i wish my grandfather retires already. Hes like 80 now and hes still working as a contractor to a Geothermal company. I've seen him age. Whenever i look at him and at my grandmother. I always tell myself.

[spoiler]This is why i dropped school. I want to give them a relaxing life. Pay the bills?. Maybe a vacation?[/spoiler]

I always wanted to repay them. I already explained to my aunt and my other while crying. But they didn't understand. How much i care for the old hags even they look at me like that. I always reminisce the good food, the roof, and the electricity and things that they're giving to me.

It always torments me that i cant tell them these things because i know they'd be heartbroken. I want to keep this to myself.

Right now im a 19 year old neet. Making anime games. Lurked 4ch when i was 11 years old. Now Im here
Its been 6 months since i last released my game too.
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>>622319
Cont..

Fucked up my spoiler there.

Im quite planning to make an r-18 game and put a patreon. I live in a shithole country in where 300$ is a lot.

Though right now. I cant really work on a game like that as of now. Since my pc is outside for a reason.

So anyways. Im really "ok" in my modelling part. Its just the texturing. I can't really get a hold of that feeling.. At all.. All i can do is plain colors + AO

I fear i might waste a year again. It just feels so empty. I dont know if im just gonna draw 2D. Do more 3D.

If making games. The stress there too.
Programming.. Modelling. Sounds.. All of it. 1MA. I feel fucking tormented.

So yeah. Im really lost right now. Really really lost.
I dont have a time limit. My time limit really is them really disowning me.
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>>622320

Cont.

And. I want to prove my whole family wrong too about the education part.
Like diploma == Success..
Its not only the way right anons? I want to prove it. I want to shove it to their faces. And that is one of the reasons im still kind of going. I want to prove them wrong.
I want them to regret that they make me and mentally forced me to go to pajeet-ish schools.
I want to be successful.. Not be a wageslave for a company..

But somehow. Im still conflicted on what i want to be.

Should i just do 3D game porn? 2D?

Should i make a dedicated game? A platformer?

Its just i really need to make some kind of instant money. Somehow.
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>>622319
>>622320
>>622321
Was reading your posts and almost getting the feels until
>im a 19 year old
Come the fuck on, Anon, you've existed barely anything on this earth. Of course you won't be accomplishing much at that age.

The problem you're currently facing isn't that you're inadequate nor good enough, it's that you're stuck in your fantasy world. You think you can make it in the world by yourself and have your big break as this superstar people idolise for your talents. Spoiler: the chances for that are stupidly low. It's a dream we've all had, making it big doing what we want and what we love all on our owns, but honestly unless you're one of God's selected few it's one hell of a pipe dream.

All your talk about not being able to repay your loved ones is just weird too. There's no way you'll be able to make any meaningful let alone instant income that you can spare taking this path. Look at indie studios, many of them barely even make it out of development hell and those lucky to do so have spent their fair share of troubled times.

>I want to be successful.. Not be a wageslave for a company..
This sentence just really nails in the point that you're goddamn delusional at the moment. You really need to take some time and run over your thoughts and their consequences. The fact that you think "wageslaves" can't be successful when in reality they are the ones with genuine stable income that they can put aside for their family just shows how deluded your current thought train is.
>>
Do something, whatever you want, but get something out the door
Put it on your resume and shill it to fuck and back
Get your friends and family's opinion on it, get roasted by channel4 and move on to greater things
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>>622321
I'll leave with advice that actually answers you.

>Should i just do 3D game porn? 2D?
Yes. This is the only way you're going to get your "instant income", though you'll have to be really creative with how you gear your scenes to your audience. You've got to strike niche fetishes that people are really passionate about, or you've got to produce a level above and beyond the best of the best porn artists right now if not you're not going to stand out and really start raking in the cash you want.

Though, you'll have to be really conscious with this choice. You say you wanna prove your family wrong? Well, just hope they're okay with their child telling them their route to success was forged by making porn on the internet.
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>>622322
I just feel that im in great debt. It always gets to me. Like going to school isn't gonna payoff. At all.
Like. Portfolio > Degree.

I told myself. I should just drop instead of wasting time in school and just make games instead.

Also. I want to make a company somehow.. I dont want to work under someone elses foot.

on those degrees also. As i said. Its all pajeetish. It kind of turned me off that the education here is a joke.. I didn't feel it was worth my aunts money..
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>>622326
>Also. I want to make a company somehow.. I dont want to work under someone elses foot.
You really think CEOs just pop out from the womb fully suited and all? Fuck no, they spend years working under someone else, building up the experience they need to run a successful company. Stop thinking you can do everything, because, like it or not, you really can't. No one can.
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You're fucking 19
You've barely made it through a quarter of your life, chill out and start working for your dreams
We're all gonna make it brah
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>>622319
Send a link to one of your games.
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>>622416

sakuyoi.itch.io

i post in >>>/vg/agdg sometimes. if i have a game im working on

Most of my games are "games" you`ll know what i mean.
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>>622319
Step 1) go to school
Step 2) ask to see student works(if you can find the work online skip step 1)
Step 3) ask about the rate in which students find work
>is the work good and do the students find work within the first 8 months?
If yes to both, enroll. If yes to the first and not the second, enroll and carry extra weight(look for expositions to learn/develop connections). If no to the first and yes to the second, enroll and take it upon yourself to fill your daily life with practice, study, and getting feedback from as many sources as possible.
If no to either, skip to the next institution.

School goes a long way. There are so many advantages, and if you are serious about learning you wouldn't think twice about finding enrollment. Take a loan if you need to for a school. The loan will be a reinforcement to your learning and push you to beyond your precieved limits with learning and practice.

If anyone tells you otherwise they're fucking retarded and are going to be doing r-18 for the rest of their lives, and probably be blacklisted from any industry beyond r-18.
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>>622319
Read your posts and just wanted to tell you you're a good person anon.
If you go to patreon maybe make something of the style of 1995 True Love (screenshots on google will be enough to understand).
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>>622426
sadly anon my country is just starting in that part of education. arts. etc. thats why i said i had a meme game degree that i dropped it. I took a look in my professors thesis in his "masters" in gamedev. and i wasn't really happy about it that i thought it was a joke. not kidding. it was like those generic math games that you can do using only random variables and voila. even my games are harder to program than that.

>>622430
Thanks for the suggestion anon. Appreciate it.
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>>622319
Get a job that can help support your passion. Do it long enough until your passion can support you while you are supported by your job. Only the lucky ones get to do their passion since the beginning. If it's truly your passion, then the 'income' part won't matter. Time is your friend.
>>
If I'm being honest game development is getting more and more technical. It used to be that artists had the burden of technical issues but thanks to sculpting programs + automated optimization techniques that's growing less and less true. 3D modelling is tough now but it's going to practically be a non-job in 5 years tops

If I were you I'd start learning graphics programming- modern graphics programming (rendering pipeline, compute shaders, etc) and see what you can handle. If you're 100% lost or don't see yourself producing anything valuable in the foreseeable future then quit it altogether. It's a really tough job and it's going to get a whole lot tougher as you'll need a very different skillset in the future
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>>622446
Explain the part of 3D becoming a non-job in 5 years because that makes no sense.
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>>622447
Basically
>sculpting tools becoming the norm
>automatic LOD has been a thing for a few years now
>no more rendering multiple triangles per pixel and the resulting artifacts
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>>622319
Havent read through all of it yet, but i think you can do some freelance work if you can program, even if its just for unity, or 3d modeling. i know on Tigsource and gamedev.net there is joblistings for people who need someone for projects, you should take a look at those
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>>622449
I'm probably not knowledgeable enough, but I still don't see how that would affect anything. So what if some tiny thing like LOD generation is automatized? So you're saying that sculpting is easy and anyone can do it? It becoming a norm is awesome. How could anything you just said remove the 3D artist from a pipeline? What about the, you know, actually producing original content? Photogrammetry for everything can't be the answer.
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>>622419
you have some really cool stuff OP nice job. 19 and also going to get a degree in IT and you have so much of your life ahead of you OP just get a job at McDonald's or something because it at least pays. I've worked cuck jobs for years and do CG on the side and as a result I have money and I can work on the projects that I want to work on in my free time
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>>622320
>"ok" in my modelling part. Its just the texturing. I can't really get a hold of that feeling.. At all.. All i can do is plain colors + AO

Base colors and AO is allot, I had the same issue as you thinking i needed to learn leet hand painted texture skills to texture anything so i avoided it.

Base colors and AO is allot more than you think, It's everything, Look at all the lewd games and videos you play atm, It's all fkn base colors and AO.
Doing any more than that is pointless for the most part as it goes from being appealing to more realistic.
You only need more if you're doing hyper realistic models etc.
Otherwise base colors and AO is enough.
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>>622494
>wagecuck thinks he has free time
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OP here. Still usual things hapoening. (sleepless) etc. but i have a new game project soon and its going well somehow. just an update anyways.
>>622519
i kind want to try those hair textures and things like make it look like 2d. know what i mean?
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>>623285
Then try it, Just don't not texture shit as you have no excuse now.
Base colors and AO the shit outa everything.
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>>622319
>anime




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